How to Get Out of Your Own Way

 
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Regan Walsh, Life & Executive Coach, treated us to an empowering workshop designed to help us identify and kick the habits that can hold women back. This demands that we change things up to get out of our own way.

Getting out of your own way requires you to get rid of bad habits:

  1. Paralyzing Habits: The trifecta

    • The perfectionism trap - perfectionists do it all themselves because only they do it right. It applies to everything in life and it can be hard to prioritize so it paralyzes them.

    • The disease to please - says yes to everyone because they want to make everyone happy. At the end of the day, they are depleted because they gave it all to everyone else.

    • The solo pilots - capable of doing everything. They hold themselves back because they're never going to ask for help. These people limit ourselves with our lack of confidence in asking for help.

  2. Overthinking: The emotional drain

    • Minimizing - you live apologetically and small, trying not to take up too much space and not confident enough to speak your mind.

    • Ruminating - things keep you up at night and you hold on to them. They take up mental space and you go over it over and over.

    • Personalizing - you make it about you and take things personally. You make up stories that are not real (and not about you).

  3. PR Fails: You're not campaigning for you

    • Mistaking confidence for arrogance - confidently accepting praise and recognizing when you deserve credit...it is not arrogance.

    • Believing your day will come - don't expect others to spontaneously notice and reward your contributions. Tell people the good that you're doing and celebrate. Eat your own cake!

    • Thinking your glass is half empty - focusing on what you don't have vs. what you do will bite you in your career. You can't advocate for yourself if you don't see the possibility and believe in yourself.

Once you can identify which sounds most like you in each area, you can rewrite the formula...Taking a habit that is holding you back and turn it around for you. So, when each of these things happens you can come up with a plan for how you will react instead of how you typically would. It is important to define why you will change this habit to keep the commitment to yourself.

In addition to changing habits, there are some tactics that can help you get out of your own way:

  1. Everyone is going to fail. So when the inevitable happens, let go of self-judgment by showing yourself some compassion, reminding yourself of your track record, and call yourself out by replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones.

  2. Sometimes it is hard to remember that we always have a choice. so, when an opportunity presents itself, ask yourself: when I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? Every yes you give means you're saying no to something (or someone) else. Make your yeses count.

  3. Get comfortable with saying no. When no is the right answer for you, you're not making excuses. You are simply speaking your truth. Own your truth.

  4. Appoint a personal board of Directors. Who can play important roles in your life to provide you with truth, accountability, mentorship, cheer you on, shift your perspective, and sponsor you? Think about who fills each of these seats on your board.

  5. Clearly articulate what makes you tick. Create your leadership user manual outlining what you value, your expectations, how you work, your pet peeves, your flaws, how you like to receive feedback, and how you like to be celebrated.

Danielle Lim